Dr. Joe Tatta:
Welcome back to the Healing Pain Summit. I am your host, Dr. Joe Tatta. Today’s topic. We are talking about how to take your life from a place of plain pain to pleasure and my host today is, or my guest today, I should say, it’s Jacquie Somerville. You won’t find another motivator like Jacquie Somerville. She is known as the queen of courage and confidence. She’s a born storyteller and a self-titled normal-phobe. She may shock you, she may make you laugh, but she will definitely inspire you. And the reason why I have her on the summit today is that oftentimes you need the motivation as well as the inspiration to turn your life around and to make the lifestyle changes that are required to get over a chronic disease or a chronic pain. Um, she is the author of a series of books called Jackie’s little rule books. She works with clients individually as well as in groups and speaks on stages internationally. She’s passionate about empowering women and changing the way girls are raised. Jackie, so welcome to the Healing Pain Summit.

J Somerville:
Thank you so much Joe. It’s good to be here.

Dr. Joe Tatta:
So, you know, I think it’s really powerful when you can motivate people, especially motivating them for a place of pain to want a pleasure. Yeah. Tell us about how you got started in the motivation space and why it really moves you to motivate people and see change in their life.

J Somerville:
Yeah. Well the, the way that I got started Joe, was because I found myself being extremely miserable in my own life. And yet externally it appeared that I had it all. I had a man, I had lots of wealth, I had, you know, every kind of design of clothes and shoes and stuff that you could possibly wish for and multiple homes and everything else. And yet I would wake up in the morning with this sort of listless feeling and this pit in my stomach. And initially it was, what the hell is wrong with me? Like, who does this? Right? And you sort of beat yourself up about, well, you know, everything’s pretty good and you had, why do I feel this way? And I literally, I felt really desperate and I felt like I was actually falling into a mild depression, which is weird for me because I’ve always been a very optimistic person, you know, and, and, and, and I thought, okay, so what is this?

J Somerville:
And I, and I started to sort of seek answers and I realized pretty quickly that what was happening was I had no purpose and I had no passion. And it doesn’t matter how much money you have or whether you have a loving partner, none of that matters actually. If you have no purpose and no passion and you are not doing anything towards your own full potential, it will lead you to a feeling of emptiness quicker than anything else. And in our society, I think we’ve gotten it all wrong because we seek happiness in others. We, um, you know, there’s certain things that we consider are important to have in our lives. And, and once we’ve got all that, everything will be okay. And in actual fact, the most important thing anyone can do in their life is to their full potential. And when I realized that, that I was actually happier person when I had absolutely nothing but goals and dreams way happier when I had nothing but goals and dreams and when I had everything but goals and dreams, I realized I had to stop making some changes.

J Somerville:)
So I went down the path of seeking and I studied every motivational, you know, author and speaker out there and I became an absolute self development personal development junkie. And that led to attending all sorts of seminars, signing up for masterminds and, and you know, some of the best training available in the world. And I put my heart and soul into it. And I realized as I went through this, my message was exactly what I’d been through. It’s to be, it’s to teach people to really become their own soulmates and in other words, to love and trust themselves enough to live a life of their undesign, to not follow the sort of patterns of society to live up to their full potential because that’s where happiness comes from. And, and, and with that comes the ability to love others deeply and with an open heart. Because when you love yourself and you trust yourself, you no longer fear failure or rejection, so you can actually love others way deeper too. It’s really an amazing thing. It’s not about having love and not having love in your life and it’s in the contrary actually, it’s about having big, passionate, wonderful love because you no longer fear failure or rejection, so, so that’s how I came to it. That’s the long story.

Dr. Joe Tatta:
Excellent. Yeah. Not, not such a long story, but definitely a very inspiring story. I liked that. I liked that you touched on the topic of love because actually we have a speaker on the summit, Dr. Shiroko Sokitch. She talks about how love can be healing and it can get you through obviously chronic persistent pain as well as just you know, a number of different things in your life. One of the things that you kind of have created at your platform, which is a, you know, a great platform is how you can be your own soulmate. But what you’re not saying that you should not fall in love or you don’t need loving your life or you don’t, you don’t have to, you shouldn’t be single or your life so to speak. Absolutely not. Talk to us about the contrast and the difference there.

J Somerville:
Yeah, so BRN soulmate has really just my way of saying it’s my way of sort of contradiction, contradicting society’s obsession that that happiness depends on finding a soul mate and when that that becomes the be all and end all, then we no longer live up to our own full potential. We believe that our happiness lies in somebody else’s hands. It puts an awful lot of pressure on that other person who may not have even shown up in your life yet and probably won’t because of that. And, and, and also we destroy great relationships when we’re feeling incredibly unfulfilled ourselves. When we don’t love ourselves, we will destroy the relationship with the person that actually does love us. So it’s the most important part of all love I think is to start with self-love and to, to know you are complete standing alone. Then we are able to love others and we don’t, we no longer sabotage the relationships because when you have sort of self hatred or, or not even that, it doesn’t have to even be that deep.

J Somerville:
When you, when you don’t love yourself fully, you’re actually going to question and subconsciously most of the time question those that love you, you’re never going to feel worthy of their love and that’s going to cause huge trouble. So that’s why, um, you know, it’s an important part of loving others is, is self love, true trusting and loving of yourself and treating yourself with the greatest respect. Also then reflect how you treat others. If you ever noticed how people who don’t respect themselves also don’t respect other people either things. Yeah, it’s really an interesting thing. It all starts, you know, love, wealth. Everything else that people are pursuing in life, they’re will inside jobs. They all are inside jobs. You know, looking for them outside and hoping that some external, you know, that person’s going to come in and before I’ve done the work and love myself and it’s going to solve all my problems.

J Somerville:
No, because you’re going to wake up one day and you’re going to be hugely dissatisfied with that person and not treat them well and so on. So that’s why, and yes, love it truly is the, the utmost part of healing and joy and everything, right? As humans, we, we, we crave that and, and, and it’s an important part of our lives. Love and touch and affection and know and all of that. So, and it’s as important to me as anyone else. You know, I love men and sex and romance and, and I love my husband and, uh, so yeah, it’s a hugely important thing. The self love is going to make all your other love so much better.

Dr. Joe Tatta:
Hmm. Well, so we have both clinicians as well as, um, you know, patients seeking or people seeking information on this summit. Um, when you talk about self love, it makes me think of something very clinical, but I want to just touch on it just briefly. There’s something called the body Cathexis scale. So that is a test that we give patients and it, it kind of analyzes what they think about their own bodies. So do they think they’re fat? Do they think they’re ugly? Do they think there’s a certain part of their body that’s, you know, mouth shape. And, and through those studies, when people score low on that scale, it’s directly correlated with how much pain they have, how much physical pain they have basically. So it’s so important to start to love yourself even with different types of bodies. Cause we all have very different bodies. You know, some are tall, short, some are a little bit wider, some are a little bit slimmer. But yeah, just from a, from a perspective, cause you’ve worked with a lot of, you know, um, clients who have, you know, body issues as well. Yeah. How do we start to love ourselves and accept ourselves from the place we are and go forward and improve ourselves.

J Somerville:
Right. So, you know, it’s interesting, so many people who teach self-love really, they talk about accepting yourself. Exactly. You know, as you are and, and, and I come at it from a slightly different angle. I say that it goes hand working on unaccepting and actually working on bettering yourself. You need to vent. They go hand in hand. And I think that that in order to love ourselves, we have to first respect ourselves. What do we do to respect ourselves? It’s taken care of ourselves, taking care of our physical bodies, taking, you know, watching what we eat and how we exercise, all the things, taking care of ourselves. And it’s an interesting sort of question because it’s kind of a chicken and egg situation. Do we take care of ourselves better when we’ve just accepted ourselves or do we start the process of treating ourselves better and then we’re going to start accepting ourselves?

J Somerville:
It’s a very, you know what I mean? It’s, it’s a real chicken and egg question. And the way that I’ve sort of figured it out is that the two kind of go hand in hand because in order to achieve anything in life, whatever it is, whether it’s self love, whether it’s healing your body, whatever it is, it’s going to require some degree of self-discipline. And I don’t think that you can really be self-disciplined to make the changes in your life if you’re lying on the sofa, excepting yourself for, you know, perhaps being, you know, completely unfit, perhaps having an addiction to fast food. I think, you know, it’s, it’s, you’ve got to get up and say it’s not going to be easy to make the changes. It’s not, it requires self-discipline. And that’s kinda tough. And uh, and no one’s denying that it’s, you know, I mean, it just is.

J Somerville:
And I think when we accept that, that kind of stuff, that kind of work is difficult, but we got to do it if we wanted to have great lives. So, so that’s where, you know, I didn’t sort of come from this woowoo thing of just accept yourself no matter what I go, yeah, love yourself. And, and by all means, look in the mirror every day and say, I love myself and I accept myself and do mantras and affirmations. But at the same time, make sure that you are making some changes to your diet, to exercise routine that you’re working on yourself because nothing happens in life. Nothing. No improvements get made until we get up and make the change and commit to it. Not easy, but so worth it. It’s the only way to live.

Dr. Joe Tatta:
So love loves that. So one of obviously being healthy, I really look at having health is kind of the baseline for everything in your life. There’s no wealth without health. So how does, how does being your own soulmate start to translate to having wealth in our lives? Cause we obviously we know we’ll need money, we need money. Just lie. We need money to have healthcare. Nowadays healthcare can be a very expensive thing, especially if you are trying to overcome a crisis. So how does it translate to health or wealth in our life?

J Somerville:
So the one of the cruxes of be your own soulmate is, is loving and trusting yourself, right? It’s love. It’s trusting yourself completely. And it’s also pursuing your potential. One of the things in the BRN soulmate program is that we go through how do you start pursuing your potential? You start with the basics. As we’ve already said, basics like diet and exercise. You know, everybody looks at the big picture and goes, but I want to be wealthy. How’s, how’s you know, working out everyday gonna make me wealthy. Well I want to be wealthy house cleaning up all the clutter in my life, going to make me wealthy or get rid. Well guess what? That is where it starts. Whether it’s to attract love, whether it’s to attract money, it starts with the basics because without that self trust and without the self respect and the love, there is no room for any of that stuff to enter your life.

J Somerville:
And once we start working on ourselves with the basics, I kind of refer to the, the five or six days is a fabulous, which is, you know, six sustenance, sleep, sweat and style. And there’s another one which is surroundings, which I sometimes throw in there because when we take care of just the basics, the other stuff starts to naturally fall into place. When you are working at being the best version of you that you can be, the universe starts to conspire with you. That’s just what happens. And so it does, you know, you can’t bring wealth into your life until you take care of the basics. And being your own soulmate is very much taking care of the basics. Just stocked down that little road of seeking your potential. When you seeking your real potential, the miraculous happens where the universe starts to conspire with you.

J Somerville:
Opportunities come, you give off a aura that attracts people. You know when you’re working on yourself and you feel good about yourself and you walk down the street, you have a totally different or about you. You become a magnet for people and opportunity and the people and opportunities that come into your life are going to lead to the wealth. And so that’s where, that’s why it does depend on being your own soul mates because you’ve got to have the self love, you’ve got to have the self trust, you’ve got to work on yourself. As I said before, it’s all an inside job. And when you start working on those little things, the basics on your journey to becoming the best version of you that you can be, the opportunities will come to you. So that’s why it’s, it’s the start of bringing wealth into your life as well as love and joy.

Dr. Joe Tatta:
Excellent. So let’s shift gears to loneliness just for a second because there are a lot of people who live alone. As you get older, sometimes you wind up living alone. What are some strategies we can kind of implement in our life toward becoming our own soulmate and where loneliness is not a factor for us?

J Somerville:
Yeah, so you know, I did a blog post about this once about how we are so conditioned in our society to look at love in one way. And it’s basically what we see in the movies and love is not like it is in the movies. If somebody is Langley having one person meeting a lover or or or that’s exclusive person is not the only way to solve that. When you are lonely and you reach out to others who are lonely, it changes everything. You know, as I say, there’s tons of animals in shelters waiting for people to give them love. There’s tons of people in hospitals and homes who are dying for your touch and your attention and your care. And there’s lots of, there’s so many children who need love and even need homes to call their own. But we get so caught up in what love should look like, that we forget that the best antidote for loneliness is to reach out two others.

J Somerville:
Same with even taking care of the planet. When we start, you know, focusing on what we can do for others, the loneliness will go away. And if you’re alone and you can provide a home to an animal or provide mentorship to a child or visit a hospital, I promise you it’ll change your life. It will change your life. And that is where I say that, you know, love is big and real and Missy and it doesn’t look like it does in the movies. It’s all of those things. And don’t forget to go down all of those parts if you will learn the, and you want love in your life, that’s how you start to bring it in. Yeah. And as we say with, you know, cause there’s a lot of people I know I work with a lot of clients who are, they’ve already got a lot of the other stuff in their lives figured out, you know they have good lives but they still feel that they’re kind of lonely and they and that, that, you know, they want a special person in their life.

J Somerville:
So you know, doing the work and stuff on your own is, is really important. And then having face that this person is coming into your life, when we have stress and anxiety about stuff, it locks everything. And people build up stress and anxiety about the fact I’m not meeting somebody, I’m, you know, I’m, I’m lonely or whatever it is. We build up stress and anxiety about that and all we’re doing is building a wall. That’s when it’s time to reach out and perhaps seek love in these other ways because it’s, when we give love that we attract love. It’s when we take it off of ourselves and I need somebody to come to me and we rather look at where can we go to give. And it is a miraculous solution if only more people would give it a try.

Dr. Joe Tatta:
It’s true. And I think the point of, of loneliness and you know, going out to help other people that’s been demonstrated through support groups on numerous occasions with different diagnoses, everything from, you know, pain to addiction recovery. It’s really, you know, connecting with people. You don’t have to, obviously you’d be in a, you know, longterm marriage to have love. There are so many different ways to bring love into your life.

J Somerville:
Absolutely. Absolutely. And when we, you know, here’s the interesting thing is that when we do that and we, we begin to be fulfilled people, guess what? We’re a magnet for everything else. So it’s when we all fulfilled ourselves that we become a magnet for everything else. And then I’m going to bet you that those people who really do want to find one person exclusively when we’re talking about romantic love, that’s exactly when it comes to you, is when you’re fulfilled because you are, it’s like you become like a magnet. And, uh, so when we, when we reach out and we, we, we find fulfillment in what we can do for others and in order to solve our own loneliness, that’s exactly when everything we’re looking for starts to come to us. That’s just the way the universe works.

Dr. Joe Tatta:
So can you share with us a client story of someone who came to you, um, you know, with a problem or an issue and how being teaching them to be their own soulmate has really helped them, you know, transition to a different phase of their life?

J Somerville:
Yeah. Gosh, I, um, I actually was on a call to one of my clients yesterday and at the end of the call she got very tearful and said to me, she said, my friends are coming to me and saying, you look different. What’s, you know, what’s going on? And she said, well, you know, I started to work with this woman, Jackie, and you got to check her up because she said to me, she said, you’ve changed my life. And, uh, and it was truly, I mean it literally just happened yesterday afternoon and it’s just, I can’t even tell you how fulfilling that is for me. Right? I mean, there’s nothing that, that, that is brings more joy than to hear that it’s just truly extraordinary. And, uh, and I think, you know, it’s, it’s all about relaxing. It’s about having faith that what you are, what you are searching for in your life.

J Somerville:
When you relax and you surrender, do the work, the basics, the five bases of fabulous and all of that. Do the work. When you combine action with faith and you let go of the outcome. Yeah. That’s when everything changes. And that’s when what my clients start to do in a very short period of time is they start taking action because we work on that. And every week between Kohl’s, they take, they make another step, they take action. The action helps them to feel better about things. Cause that’s what happens, right? When you’re, when you’re all fearful and you, and you’re concerned, if you take some action, it immediately helps you feel better. So they start to take the action. They, they, they start to learn that what they want is coming and they begin to relax into that knowledge and that faith, therefore they let go of the anxiety.

J Somerville:
And that’s when miracles start to happen in their lives. And that’s what they notice. So it’s, you know, it’s extraordinary and it all starts with working on the self. So that’s what be around soulmate is. It starts in working on yourself. What can I do right now to change what’s not working in my life? Whether it’s related to my dream and my goal or not, what needs to be fixed right now in my life? What are the basics that I need to fix? And when they start working on that and they start taking action and they combine that with faith, boom, miracles. Does that answer the question?

Dr. Joe Tatta:
Yeah. I love it. You know, I think the take home there for everyone, the strategy to take home is that, um, action overcomes anxiety. You know, many times we’re anxious about the person we are or the person we want to be. You know, we want to be a different person than we are. So start taking little actionable steps on a daily or weekly basis. Overcome your anxiety and eventually you’ll get to a place of change. It may not be the person you thought you were going to be or you may not have the exact health you thought you were going to have, but it will definitely be better and improve them where we are right now.

J Somerville:
Exactly right. And, and you know, when we’re faced with challenges, the most important thing is to look for the lessons in those challenges. Right? So I, I think once you’ve sort of gone through the, the grieving and what have you go through after, you know, the hell that we go through when we face big challenges, then the next step is to, you know, look for the lessons in the challenges. And that’s when we grow. And as you say, sometimes the outcome isn’t as we expected. But I live my life with the belief that all these things happen for us and not to us. And so when we sort of are able to, to figure that out and really make peace with that, then I think whatever, wherever you end up is going to be okay with you and you’re going to find the goodness in that. Right. Because I mean these things. Yeah. If you go through life realizing that your challenges have been for you and not to you, it’s, it’s, you know, it’s a pretty life changing philosophy.

Dr. Joe Tatta:
Yeah. Excellent. So I’ve been talking with Jackie Somerville, she’s the founder of the beer on soulmate movement. So I want to thank Jackie Somerville for being with us on the healing pain summit. It’s great to have her motivation, inspiration, help you all out. Um, Jackie, tell us how we can learn more about you and stay connected.

J Somerville:
Thanks, Joe. It’s been my absolute pleasure and a, I’d love it if people would go to my website, which is Jackie somerville.com which is J a C Q, U, I E S O M E R V, I L L e.com. And you know, I’m, I’m giving away a free ebook to all your participants. Um, and it is called the six secrets to kick ass, courage and confidence. Because when you get a little courage and confidence, then you’re, you know, it’s so much easier to become your own soulmates and, and bring in what you want in your life, whether it’s love, wealth, joy, whatever else. So, um, I’m giving a free ebook to everybody, so I believe the link will be on the summit page. So just make sure you don’t miss that. It’s a, it’s been a very popular book and it’s got some good information in it.

Dr. Joe Tatta:
Excellent. So check out her free ebook on the summit homepage. Um, make sure you visit Jacquie somerville.com and we will see you next time in the next episode of the healing pain summit.

J Somerville:
Thanks, Joe.